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She clings to this dream,
but as if it were water - it slowly slips from her grip.
Every drop fallen, a missed opportunity.
Every crack between her fingers, so out of her control.
Helpless to her own undoing, she struggles to hold on.
Wondering how real it all was from the beginning.
Has she truly fooled herself?
Is it even worth still carrying on?
Letting go would simply end it all,
The struggles, the helplessness and the hurt.
But hope is the only thing stopping her.
Like a beggar on the streets, she hopes for someone to help fill the cracks,
For someone to give her the chance to overflow with opportunities once again.
For someone to believe in her.
And so with that little bit of dwindling hope,
She waits and watches as people go by.
Ok so I know this poem isn't as good as my usual ones but it definitely puts out the message I had in mind.
I was more trying to work on imagery, anyways I'm kinda out of practice.
Wrote it in 30 mins.

Let me know what you think
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:iconebolabears:
Miss Laurelle is awesome.

She is talented and beautiful and if Miss Laurelle was licensed into a gel product. I would have so many buckets of that product I would drown in it.

I could be accused of being a zealous super fan, but I prefer to believe I am simply basking in the light of the star we know as Miss Laurelle.:iconluvluvplz:

Miss Laurelle's poem conjures vivid images wrapped with intense emotions.
Her work is easily understood by anyone who has chased a dream or wished for what they thought might be impossible.

Most likely we've all been in this situation, wanting more say in our lives, a little more control over events or situations, the ability to affect a dream or desire.

That's what Miss Laurelle's poem is for me. I unapologetically love it!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

:icongrg123wntn:
This was an outstanding piece of poetry. Your successful use of imagery really transports you to the subjects world and frame of mind. I really liked lines two through four. The pain and the indecision that she is going through is so relatable without even knowing the specifics of her pain. The beggar on the street reference also helps illuminate the extent of her desperation. There are numerous uses of water as symbolism here and it really helps to cohesively tie the piece together. Although the subject is left with a small amount of hope, it seems to be futile and I like that the subject may nit have a happy ending. Very impressed with this effort and your work as a whole.
What do you think?
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6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

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:icon6thereaper:
6Thereaper Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Student Filmographer
I kinda disagree.
The Analogy you made works more with Life as a whole. 
especially in the part where you said "slowly slips from her grip" .
life and the way it goes is like a water stream chaotic but stable (in most of the cases). Dreams, on the other hand is like that valuable thing that you keep away from anybody that provides you with  strength to move on a post card with the picture of Venice , a father's dog tag or an amulet from your mother.  
In general you did a great job. 
 
Reply
:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Professional Artist
I understand your point of view.
I truly wrote what I felt though.
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:icon6thereaper:
6Thereaper Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Student Filmographer
don't take it personal, "your RED isn't my RED".
Reply
:icondominogalbraith:
DominoGalbraith Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013
I stumbled upon this when I was feeling a bit bereft of hope. Your verses are good and it almost captured my feeling. Notice, I say 'almost'. It actually inspired me to write down what I felt exactly. Here is a link if you'd like to read it fav.me/d6n924y . Ummm....yeah... I kinda lied when I said I was feeling 'a bit bereft of hope'...I was totally in the dumps. And this is my first submission on dA...also my first poem since high school.  Hope you don't mind me naming my poem so similar to yours, I kinda started writing it like a continuation to your poem but I got carried away.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013  Professional Artist
interesting poem, very different from what mine was trying to portray.

All the best to you,
Laurelle
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:icondominogalbraith:
DominoGalbraith Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013
Well yes...your poem is hopeful while mine is ...ummm....'hopeless' isn't the right word...'defeated'? maybe?

Thanks :)
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:icon000skyarrow000:
000SkyArrow000 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
WoW.....you are so talent....that one was the first poetry I read in your gallery and I am little surprise for you comment that one wasn't " as good as you usual post here" ....I love read poems and poetries.....but because the time I try read slowly...and much more than the time....I like take a time to appreciate each words properly when I like it....I admit I like to notice the feelings between the words...I am happy to found that folder....^^
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Professional Artist
:) thank you for the kind words!
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:icon000skyarrow000:
000SkyArrow000 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome...^^
Reply
:iconvon3991:
Von3991 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013
it's sad, but like your other poems it's also really beautiful. I also feel like I can relate to this. well done! :)
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you!!
Reply
:iconvon3991:
Von3991 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013
you're more than welcome! :)
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:iconchicoflaco:
chicoflaco Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
I read it and got depressed, so I didn't like the poem in that regard; such a pretty girl writing such morbidity is a shame - do you really know depression?  I don't think you do, as you didn't really capture that crushingness in your poem, but you did capture that blaise feeling we all get from time to time.  I pretty much agree with what KP said above, though I have seen the 'But' done many times in other published poetry, so I wouldn't worry about splitting hairs.  I'll peruse your other poems now.  And I'm impressed that someone as mindbogglingly gorgeous as yourself (marry me?) writes poetry! ;)
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Artist
poetry is supposed to make you feel something as you read it and I succeeded in doing that to you.
Though no, I didn't write this poem to describe depression... its open to interpretation.

My goal was more to describe  desperation 
Reply
:iconchicoflaco:
chicoflaco Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
What is interesting is you seem like such a happy, wonderfully adjusted person in your photos to be writing poetry that makes the reader feel depressed or desperate
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:iconrockyprice:
RockyPrice Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Student Writer
I hope you're alright. It seems like something has happened that you are grabbing on to and you have lost opportunities because of it. Of course, I do not know
Great poem. My favorite element is the simile of a beggar looking for someone to fill the cracks. I like the message of hope being a guiding force and believe that whatever you are concerned about will be manageable. I once had hope dwindle, however, there is always someone who can reignite it.
Finally: Good luck, godspeed, and as always, great work.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconforestadifangorn:
forestadifangorn Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013
Congratulations, it's a really intense poetry.
This is my favorite part: Like a beggar on the streets, she hopes for someone to help fill the cracks
I think the image of one who wanders aimlessly in search of help, it is very powerful and fits the context ^^
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you :)
Reply
:iconforestadifangorn:
forestadifangorn Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013
Oooh ... and one more thing, this poem would be perfect if adapted as a text for a song, maybe rock !!
Reply
:iconecrination:
ecrination Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013
It's pretty good. Looks more depressing than it should seems.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Professional Artist
everyone feels pain defintiely some more intense than others
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:icong-j-gardner:
G-J-Gardner Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't know you. But I believe in you.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you
Reply
:icong-j-gardner:
G-J-Gardner Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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:iconbelthasaar:
belthasaar Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
Wow. I kinda feel this same way. I hope you feel better.
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:iconravenstromdans:
ravenstromdans Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
This speaks to me, largely because I feel this way pretty consistently. I think it could use a bit more imagery and/or symbolism to blunt the rawness of the feelings, but you definitely get your feeling across.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you :)
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:iconravenstromdans:
ravenstromdans Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I did my best to be constructive in my criticism; as a poet critic, I don't have a lot of stones to throw, since my own is pretty puerile.
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:iconaichobitz:
Aichobitz Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
Hmmm, the use of rhymes would have given it a more bombastic effect.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Artist
poems don't always need to rhyme to portray the emotion expressed
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I think they want you to have on gold chains and to be in an alley rapping the poem:P
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:iconphllbit:
phllbit Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
love this creativity, I did not know you had this in your world :D I write music, would love to write something for this :D
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Artist
thanks!
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:iconjugan54:
jugan54 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
its very nice
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
thanks!!
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:iconnomad55:
Nomad55 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well written :D
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you :D
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:iconnomad55:
Nomad55 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :D
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:iconwolfsorcerer:
WolfSorcerer Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm not much in rhymes and metric issues, I'll leave it to the purists.
The poem is very good at describing this woman's situation and you portray it vividly. When something is good, it leaves you wanting for more, though artistically, how the story goes on should be a matter of the readers' imagination ;). Well done! :clap:
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you :)
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:iconwolfsorcerer:
WolfSorcerer Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Always welcome. :)
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:iconedmund1:
edmund1 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
more a short story than a poem , but if thats your style continue . I like feeling of desperation can not wait for the next flourish
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:iconleakygraphics:
LeAKyGrAPHics Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Beautiful Poem.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
:D
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:iconchuckiebobphil:
chuckiebobphil Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
this a fantastically written, it's very very dark but fantastically written. Good job.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
thank you!!
Reply
:iconchuckiebobphil:
chuckiebobphil Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Artist
your welcome and the writer Charles Bukowski said something to this effect "Any writer who tells you they're a good writer is a bad writer, because onces your good at the craft then you have no room to grow." So never be a good writer be a bad one or an ok one.
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:iconmisslaurelle:
MissLaurelle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Artist
interesting!
Reply
:iconchuckiebobphil:
chuckiebobphil Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Artist
he had alot of good quotes and was a hell of writer i strongly suggest looking him up
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